Guidelines for a good contract

Guidelines for Using a Driving Contract

There's a lot to read here but, trust me, it's really important.

• The first step in this process is important and often the most difficult. It is that you reflect carefully on the nature of the problem (the very real risk that your child will be killed or injured in a car wreck) and firmly resolve to do all you can do to prevent this from happening.

• The process of negotiating the agreement will be more effective if you establish with the teenager, in advance, your insistence on a contract. You must be willing to NOT ALLOW THE TEEN TO DRIVE until an agreement is reached. State this clearly and be prepared to "weather the storm."

• Use the model agreement as a starting point and revise and rewrite it specifically for your teenager. You should make changes to suit your particular situation.

• If both parents are involved they should reach an agreement about the content of the "deal" before it is discussed in detail with the teenager.

• PRIOR TO ALLOWING THE TEENAGER ACCESS TO A CAR AND CERTAINLY BEFORE BUYING THE TEENAGER A CAR, present the draft contract to the teenager. Encourage the teenager to negotiate some of the fine points. As in any negotiation, some of the points will be negotiable by the parents (and some not). Be willing to consider any reasonable proposals your teenager makes and include these changes in the agreement.

• When you reach an agreement, sign the document and provide a copy to the teenager. Set a date to review and revise the agreement after a designated period of driving has passed. Schedule the review date and put in on the family calendar. On this review date, you will go through the agreement with the teenager and make changes as needed. This review period will be an opportunity to relax the agreement slightly if the teenager has done well with his or her driving. It is also an opportunity to tighten the agreement if the teenager has not done well.

Since I have been involved in working with families in this area, some parents have told me they feel it is too late to do this. The most common situation is one in which a teenager has already been driving independently for some time. I encourage parents to tell their teenage driver that they wish they had done the agreement before the teen started driving and then go ahead firmly with the process. It is NOT too late. More about this here.

A NOTE ON DRIVING AND SCHOOL PERFORMANCE:

I've had a lot of parents tell me they disagree with my advice on connecting driving privileges to grades. In other words, saying to a kid that they can't drive unless they get grades at level X. I advise against it. There are two reasons I do. First, I don't think it works. My experience is that grades don't usually go up when driving is the incentive. Eventually, parents just give in. The second reason I advise against it is that I think driving safety is so critical that the conditions for being allowed to drive ought to all be about DRIVING SAFETY and not mixed up with academics.

A NOTE ON PARENT MOTIVATION:

If you find that you come to believe that this kind of driver agreement is a good idea, but cannot manage to get one done, you may be having one of these issues:

• You have trouble being motivated and following through. Solution: Remind yourself everyday what is at stake. Remind yourself that you want to do all you can to prevent a disaster. There is nothing more dangerous to your teenager than your teenager's driving.

• You allow the teenager to talk, whine, tantrum, pout, and sulk his or her way out of the contract. Some parents have trouble dealing with these tactics. Solution: Don't hold such tactics against your teenager. It's normal. Just don't fall for it. Remind yourself what is at stake. Enduring your teenager's wrath will be easier than enduring your teenager's death or disability.

• You are unable to hold a firm line. You feel guilty. Solution: Figure out why you feel guilty and do something about it.

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